sometimes I think to myself what could I have accomplished if I hadn’t had to waste so much of my precious time overcoming depression on my own? and then I see this i’m like -_- lets be honest. the first time I picked up a banjo I was like omg this is too heavvvvyyyy.
meh. life is like a hand of cards. you get what your dealt. but that don’t mean you aint gonna win!
don’t be mean to yourself
don’t be mean to others
its all good, you’ll see
do you perceive a world out there?
a world that might not seem to care?
where broken dreams and nightmares blare?
do you believe life is not fair?
speak out dear heart, what do you know?
about the place where flowers grow
the golden land where good souls go
to reap the seeds that they did sow
these all begin and then end here
this very core where you hold fear
the pain will end, then disappear
and what remains you will hold dear
we thought we knew what we did not
our thoughts ran cold while blood ran hot
we felt so lost, shattered, and fraught
til we learned wisdom cant be taught
I wish my love could set you free
I wish my eyes could help you see
I wish you could draw strength from me
but its your task to learn to be
don’t act like you didn’t know theres more than one. I have many low resolution beauties for you today! ok I wrote a thing today and a part of me thinks its cheesy when I feel “poety” and another part of me gets indignant with that part of me for being dismissive of my moments of feelyness. why cant I just be? its tough eh? actually let me share that poem-y thing on the next post so as to share another award winning view. for surely you want more! no but honestly, it was one of the nicest sunsets ive ever seen in my life. I stopped for 15 minutes whilst rushing to the doctor and look, see, its a good thing I did know my priorities. always stop for something good that takes your breath away! except in a fire. then run.
actually I would not have seen this if I didn’t leave when I did. ahhhhh. the silver lining. there it is!!
and of course, OF COURSE, this was the only day I forget my sd card in my laptop and didn’t bring my laptop to the forest on accounta I needed quiet soothing oneness with the earth mother. so my heavy camera was lugged around gods backyard for nothing and I had to take these with my phone. on my way rushing to the doctor that was actually at home having dinner probably. -_-
seriously you have to learn to laugh at these things and roll with it. sure it is clear I would have gone NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC on this very day if things had gone well today. but, hey, people died today too. you know?
Death The Musical!! (insert jazz hands here)
so this weekend was kind of, I don’t know. I got a call from my dr’s office and they left a message that I have to call before 6pm. its important regarding my blood tests. of course I didn’t get that message til I was chilling in the forest here. and the irony of being put on hold in the forest, its funny but I was feeling a bit kill bill about it. please stay on the line, someone will be with you shortly. x2000. liars!!! I was on hold for an hour and not getting my nurture from nature because of it. they had me thinking I need to know things before Monday. so I finally decided to just up and go and see what they wanted to tell me. I drove 1/2 hour on an empty tank, I waited in the almost empty waiting room for an hour (its an emerg clinic only on the weekend), and the net result was that my dr wasn’t there and I have to go back on Monday anyway. so I at least got a copy of my blood test and, whoa man, its noooot good. and then I hear from a friend that their new employee of 6 months just had a heart attack and died that same day. life is so… i mean, ??? its so surreal in my headspace right now. im going rogue up in that noggin. idk. im not worried but that almost creeps me out. and then look at my friend rayban here, poor girl. she’s huddled butt out and heard me walking around her but didn’t even turn around to look at me or run away. she was so cold. and i wanted to help her but I didn’t know what to do. I left her a snack but I wanted to pet her and put a blanket on her and in the end I knew I just had to respect nature and just leave her be with a snack nearby. nature is what it is. but you know, she better survive the winter because I have no room for her skeleton on my bedside table. -_- im just kidding. I have room.
im trying to not take myself so seriously. seriously.
isn’t this stuff kind of cool? ironic but cool.
my cousin is a serious european war memorabilia collector. he has vaults full of stuff and he has to look at his own catalogues to remember what he has. but he doesn’t own his own house because he sank a mil into this addiction. its really crazy. anyway, as im looking through my pictures, trying to use my own as much as possible ( not too much worth using, -_- my ADD makes understanding my camera so hard), I come upon this again. the only good looking person in war memorabilia history. seriously, if this guy has a life story, Brad Pitt gets first offer on the role. amirite? I thought my grandfather was pretty good looking but jeez.
Russian War The Musical. haha.
got out just before the blizzard hit. thank you forest.
rayban was back and im pretty sure I am getting on her last nerve by being around but I bet that peanut butter sandwich I tossed her came in handy during the blizzard that hit right after.
I was really iffy about that chair. but sitting on frozen surfaces is not great and so I am now happy with my kit. my thermos already looks like its a year old now that I dropped it ten times.
I still haven’t found a good place to make a cozy yet hard to find shelter though. I want a cave no one else knows about, and the wolves living in it like me. yeah, i’ll put that on my creative visualization list. ha.
im trying to get rid of all kinds of stuff that bogs down my life this winter and im already learning a lot about the properties of combustibles. for example, you would think that $75+ university text books would burn quite nicely. but man they are fire-blockers. its like they think theyre too good for such treatment and they resist. maybe theyre smart. they will kill your pyromania joy fast. in a zombie apocalypse, if you went searching abandoned homes for things to make fire with, wouldn’t you think books and tons of paper type things would be the best? no friend! if you are ever in a house fire, throw books at it and run over them. you’ll have all kinds of time. the thing that is burning in my woodstove here though, is a winter coat. clothes. cotton based clothes-they burn like nothing else. roll up an old pair of jeans and you’ve got yourself a toasty fire for a while. but this jacket burned so hot, it cleaned the creosote off the glass. the heat felt like texas on a hot day. it was actually scary. the flames were shooting up the pipes. if I opened that door there it would have full on shot flames across the room I think. then I threw a few books in there as it was calming down and even with logs, those damn books took four days to slowly ash to death. you might die if waiting to warm yourself with a textbook fire.
things to know for the end of times. or decluttering via creamation. or cheap firewood. either way, go for the coats.
a friend has just told me about the dodecahedron as part of sacred geometry and some such and so I googled it again and after reading two sentences of this I had to stop and thought I would pass out. its like a sonic boom just hit me.
how have I never come across this? I am being given a message alright. I feel like my heart is going to explode. I cant even read about this until I wash the moss out of my hair and then have a cup of tea. my god. things are being… taught to me?
-_- I am going to spontaneously combust in a minute. Gemini + ADD + this = too much atm.
she’s not so sure about me yet. so I left my peanut butter sangweech for her.
is it weird that an animal skull and feather found in the forest are on my bedside table?
ah yes yes, but as your wishes start to get granted its not so weird anymore, n’est pas?
going back in the forest to focus on your wishes again :)