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04.05
2012
Reader beware, next bit is not cheery stuff. Choices Would you know from my last two posts that I found out today a dear friend is going to die in a week or two?  Would you know that I thought I was bleeding to death today because of a “problem” with my period?  Seriously, I am not exaggerating- you have no idea.  Ugh.  Anyway, I am in a weird place.  I am feeling strong enough to deal with sadness and pain without caving in.  There are things going on right now that are simply not fair.  Not in any way I understand.  But that applies to the whole wide world and thankfully I have passed the point where I can’t handle the sadness of “it all”.  I see the beauty too now.  I see how choosing to remember that there is still always goodness and beauty out there is the ultimate choice.  I’m writing some things here hoping that what I say, well maybe it will make a difference to one person.  I am making a choice.  And even without these words that might never be read, the fact that someone enjoys pictures of a cute dog I post, or drools over a magnificent piece of chocolate cake, or laughs at something silly with me, etc, that is me choosing not to drag people down with me.  Instead our mutual appreciation of the good and the beautiful will drag me up to the light.  Because I’m really sad.  But I’m okay.

Reader beware, next bit is not cheery stuff.

Choices

Would you know from my last two posts that I found out today a dear friend is going to die in a week or two?  Would you know that I thought I was bleeding to death today because of a “problem” with my period?  Seriously, I am not exaggerating- you have no idea.  Ugh.  Anyway, I am in a weird place.  I am feeling strong enough to deal with sadness and pain without caving in.  There are things going on right now that are simply not fair.  Not in any way I understand.  But that applies to the whole wide world and thankfully I have passed the point where I can’t handle the sadness of “it all”.  I see the beauty too now.  I see how choosing to remember that there is still always goodness and beauty out there is the ultimate choice.  I’m writing some things here hoping that what I say, well maybe it will make a difference to one person.  I am making a choice.  And even without these words that might never be read, the fact that someone enjoys pictures of a cute dog I post, or drools over a magnificent piece of chocolate cake, or laughs at something silly with me, etc, that is me choosing not to drag people down with me.  Instead our mutual appreciation of the good and the beautiful will drag me up to the light.  Because I’m really sad.  But I’m okay.