this looks so fun. but things that might burst cause me so much anxiety! ahhhhh, sweet cognitive dissonance!!!

night owl confessions #290: for years i wanted my nephews to be sheltered from the concept of violence. i mean i know of kids in nursery school who are playing GTA and that is just messed up. and i was totally sad when my little guys were being allowed to play mortal combat when they were preschoolers. but their dad is a hunter and generally has his head ___ ___ ___, so it was out of my hands. then one day, just randomly for fun i bought myself some nerf guns and lights sabres. i don’t know, i get into weird moods. and i had the most ridiculously fun shoot out with my daughter (who was def not primary school age). so i finally thought, screw it, why am i being so “uptight” and i’ll surprise the youngest nephew for his birthday and get him a whack load of nerf guns so we could have this kind of fun. so he opens them and he’s all excited and so is everyone else and we start. so as i run away from various shooters i aim my nerf monster gun at the birthday boys chest and accidentally shoot him right in the eye. yeaaaaah. he started to cry and waaaahhh, my eye and all that drama and i just thought it f-ing figures. told ya boys. guns are dangerous!!! umm… thats the lesson of the day. you can’t win for trying sometimes. they still bring it up the little buggers. i do however recommend it for adult conflict resolution.

i’m not sure if it is only the full moon to blame, or just one too many things on my mind, but i am feeling sort of out of whack in a way that unnerves me. like you know how you think you know yourself and then something pops into your head and you are appalled, almost like you are dealing with another person you thought you knew? so if i occasionally post things lame, crazy, or out of character at this point in time, and you are one of the lucky ones to see it before i had the sense to take it down, i apologize. i’m going off the rails on the crazy train. its all good for now, but i felt like explaining.

today on my way home from the doctor (who i love love love, thank you universe for her existence), i suddenly had this thought: you know what? if i could do anything at all right now, right this minute, i would love to drag race this truck. it would be sooooooooo awesome if that was a pursuable hobby. and, well, another truck kind of triggered the thought and, um, i… won. and i guess technically it is a pursuable hobby. i’ll have to do some research.

i know right? i mean i’m just off the rails. but boy that would really be fun. have you ever wondered what it would be like to try and get away from the police in a vehicle with a great engine?

just lose it ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, go crazy ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, oh baby

i love getting swallowed up in a sea of awesome sound and light and positive vibes.

who’s gonna save the world tonight? we are.

i can’t believe i can move like that for five hours.

this has been a crazy week.

too tired to say another word.

later!

being in an entirely different time zone, i ended up waking up at the crack of dawn and went out on my balcony. it was so beautiful and serene out, i grabbed my mp3 player and my camera and headed out. unlike most places in the world, this one obviously wakes up later in the day and so there was no one around. i turned up the volume and just got caught up taking pictures of everything. then, as the mp3 player was in the “K”area of play, i was listening to Kid Cudi and finding it hard to contain myself. i’m not a big urban music fan but this kid cudi album, just, he is a master of using sound and i always have to appreciate it in spite of myself. in spite of the fact that after i listen to that album i’ve got “plain pat what up, all my niggers what up” looping through my brain, probably simply because it is so not kosher i can’t believe it. KID, stop using the N word!! and there is me, by now singing it all at the top of my lungs on the promenade behind the most opulent casino in the world, taking pictures of an unbelievable sunrise and a harbour full of Saudi yachts, and getting full on delirious. then Kings of Leon, i loosen my tie, i loosen my tie, and then- no too slow!- BOOM, then it’s full on pirouetting to Swedish house Mafia DON’T YOU WORRY CHIIIILD.
sh** I am gonna die aren’t i? just having too much fun. I found the solitude and freedom so glorious and really can’t believe, given the number of security cameras per square inch in Monaco, that I didn’t get swat teamed. Maybe they’re just used to the party scene people.

mayan calendar = system reset!

huzzaaaaaah!

ps.  i made a wish at 21/12/2012 @ 21:21:21pm.  always thinking, heh heh.

Today I did something really fun.  I went to buy some Christmas gifts for various toy drives around the city.  The first one I picked up was the microscope telescope.  You know that post floating around that says “What if the cure for cancer is trapped in the mind of someone who can’t afford an education?”  I can assure you that, against all odds, there are ways to get that education if you want it (and btw I don’t advocate joining the army just to get an education).  Anyway, so the microscope is for the budding scientist.  The second thing I picked up was the airplane.  It’s a pretty unisex toy though you can pretty much guarantee they will give it to a boy.  Well, maybe that is for the budding traveller.  The third item is an air mattress with sleeping bag cover zip-on. Because some of the toys are headed for women’s shelters, I thought this kind of thing would be fun but also useful.  It’s kind of telling someone they have a permanent bed that is theirs to keep.  The fourth thing I got is the hard-shell mini luggage case. 

and this

Today I was so happy.

Every other month or so I get the urge to do a mini Great American Road Trip all by myself.  I hop in my vehicle of the moment and hit the open road, go to a few places I love along the way, get some of my favourite things, see stuff, and the whole thing usually takes about 12-14 hours round trip.  People think it’s weird that I like to do this by myself, but I just… well I love it.  There is only one partner in crime I wouldn’t hesitate to bring with me, but said crimester is usually a couple of thousand miles away now.

So today was my day, I decided it yesterday.  And every single thing went right today.  So many little things.  Every person I came across was really extra nice to me.  The drive was epic.  I never thought I’d appreciate a pick-up truck, but who knew that the Dodge Laramie was such a class act?  (Yes L, you were right).  It is so awesome inside.  Luxury comfort!  The best part is the sound system.  By myself and I can listen to whatever I want and the size of the interior is exactly right for maximum resonance, the way a concert hall is designed to bounce sound.  Never mind kitting out a dinky little sports car with the ultimate sound system, a big truck with the bass pounding like an external heart, awwwwwwesooooommmmme.  Anyone who has ever endured one of these special road trips knows it is “up in da club” on these drives.  If you did that within city limits you would just be captain of the obnoxious team, because that level of bass from someone else’s car is so ignorant.  But on the freeway no one knows just how delightfully obnoxious you can be.  Boom boom boom!  Yisssss!  Freedom!  And I can bellow along like a happy braying jackass and no one to judge me! And I can listen to a song as many times as I want!  Ahahahahaha!!

Last week I was really feeling sick again, and was bedridden for almost all week but today I finally woke up okay.  I`m having some problems with my thyroid (amongst other bothersome things) and they had recommended that I have it removed because there is a small chance it could be cancer.  Can you believe that the only way they can know if it has cancer is to remove it?  They tried to make me trash my thyroid but I said nooo, no, no (Okay that is sung to the Rehab song) (anyway).  Okay but my point for sharing that is that because of the thyroid issue, I can sing at the top of my lungs without coughing for a change!  There is an upside.  Yes! YES!  Okay well I coughed twice.  Okay three times.  But that was over six hours of driving.  It felt so good to be out flying on the open road blasting those songs and singing my heart out and I was happy.  I was happy.  I thought that even if there were cancer bits in there I was blasting them away with joy!  Today was a good day and I was so happy.  It doesn’t happen often like that, that everything goes right.  But I think since I do sometimes try to share thoughts about depression and coming out the other end of the tunnel, I need to share this too.  That happiness is not a constant state.  But it is a state of grace and if you fight for it sometimes grace shines on you. :)!

Today I was pondering how unbelievably fun it would be if there was some sort of technology, maybe even like virtual reality that was virtually a reality, where you could actually go into the pictures on your blog.  Imagine being able to walk in and explore these places which have captured your heart and mind?  Imagine if you could only use the pictures you have up until today?  I really love my pictures.  Ahaha - gore site/creepy soul suckers!  Karma!

Hey, wouldn’t virtual reality travel be the best?  Forget tv and gaming, exploring the world virtually… whoever makes this happen will be a billionaire.

I’ve had this stage build that opens up to the night sky and as soon as dusk hits we are having a cool concert.  I didn’t pick anything getting major radio play right now but did pick some bands with songs that you won’t hear too often anymore.  Just a few blasts from the past.  It was so nice that these musicians agreed to come join us, as logistically it wasn’t easy to get them here.  Many of you were speaking to them throughout your visit and didn’t realize who they were.  That was great.

So picture how nice it will be, the warm summer breeze will be in the air tonight and I hope you enjoy the concert.

Here are a few of the bands and the songs:

Balloonvana.

(photo by G Batistini)

I have also created my dream adult park.  I really hate how the term “adult”, “adult entertainment” and “for adults” has been co-opted by the seedy carnies of the world peddling porn.  It says so much about a society that reduces itself to that narrow parameter of what “adult fun” is.  A whole society riddled with the lament that everything is boring and yet it is simply because a loss of child like wonder and enjoying the simple things has stripped away the joy and magic of life.

So I am taking the term back for my “adult park” and in it I have created an atmosphere a lot like the best parks you came across as children (if you were lucky) and to the same scale.  So if the average swing is at the chest height of the average kid who needs to get on it, our swings are also that high to our chests and you really have to struggle to get up on it.  And they swing much higher because they’re taller.  And the seat is much more comfy.  The slides are awesome because each rung is at around your knee level and it towers to about three times your height.  There are spinning carosel thingies that if you spin too fast you can fall off.  My floors are all very soft made of condensed memory foam so if you fall you are better off than usual but. well, just like the little kids in the park, you could still break your arm and so on.  Hey, why do you think kids like parks?  Everything is thrilling.  Oh and those ride on things that are mounted on airplane springs, we have those.  And giant see saws.  Rope climbing and mazes.  But this thing here is one of my all time favourite.  Basically it is like those jolly jumpers that babies often use to bounce around on their toes, but this one is a thousand times better because you are on a trampoline and attached to a bungee cord. You jump so high!  Oh I almost forgot the spinning tire swings!  Lots of giant ones of those.  How I used to fear my imminent death when that thing was being spun so fast.

…my fun field!  We are all taking hot air ballon rides!  Woo hoo!

The funnest fun is on the horizon just as soon as you’ve digested that great meal and had a nap.